Congratulations to Ben and Erica VanTreese and Thank You For One of Best Days of My Life!

I look down at my legs and no matter how hard I think and try to move them nothing happens. I stare at my left hand and try to curl my fingers but nothing happens. Then I look at the one physical thing that I have left which is my right hand. It does what I want it to do. It’s a blessing to have and without it I would have so much less independence. I’ve grown used to doing everything with my right-hand. I almost forget what it’s like to have both.

I’m left with my mind but with a mind that can no longer control a majority of my body. It’s crazy to think that just a bruise on my spinal cord could make you lose so much control. Sometimes I just want to tap my foot to the beat of the music but I can’t. I just want to get up and dance. But yesterday I proved that I can still dance without my body.

Two of my best friends were getting married yesterday and I asked the bride if I could dance with her. So I took her out to the center of the dance floor and she sat on my lap. I spun around in circles really fast until she said she was too dizzy to go any more. As I spun around everyone cheered and took pictures.

I was later asked by several girls if they could dance with me. I wasn’t sure how I would pull this off but I agreed to it anyways. Before my accident I was a terrible dancer and I would avoid the dance floor at all costs. But today I do not care if people stare at me or I make a full out of myself.

So later that night I went back to the dance floor and danced with a girl. I spun her around and she spun me around. She said I was a better dancer than most of the guys out there and I was in a wheelchair. While I danced with her I couldn’t help but look around and see all of the people sitting down afraid to go out and dance. It made me think of myself before the accident when I actually cared what people thought about me. But why do we care so much? I wanted to get these people to come out and dance but I did not. But I was wondering if they were thinking that if the guy in the wheelchair was out there dancing then why shouldn’t they be out there.

After I danced with the first girl I found myself surrounded by four beautiful girls who all danced around me in a circle. I was having the time of my life and had the biggest smile on my face. I left the dance floor to be greeted by my date who had found a secret admirer. It was a six-year-old boy named Lincoln. Earlier that night we were sitting by the dance floor and Lincoln was dancing with a little girl and looked back at my date and winked at her. Lincoln was an incredible dancer and he asked her to come dance with her. They danced and for the rest of the night he would not leave her side.

I went out of the ballroom and my date sat on my lap. Lincoln stood by us and my date asked him if he wanted to sit on her lap. So I sat there with my date and Lincoln on my lap and I was incredibly happy. Soon enough girls rushed to get their cameras out to take pictures. I spent most of the rest of the night with the two of them on my lap. Lincoln saw me spin around with Erica earlier and he wanted to do the same. So we found a spot where there was room and spun around. Then we went back outside to get a drink.

I wanted a vodka with cranberry. Lincoln knew that I wanted a drink so he ran in and cut the line and tried to get a drink for me. He came back with a drink but it was only cranberry juice but it was hilarious that he tried. I then sat there with him and he asked what happened to me. I said that I was in a car accident. I then started talking about how I used to waterski with Ben. He looked at me confused and asked how I waterskied in a wheelchair. I explained that I had only been like this for two years. He thought I had been like this my whole life.

Lincoln had a hard time saying goodbye to my date because he knew he would miss her. He even gave him his phone number so that they could FaceTime. He liked my name because it was the same as his dad and he said goodbye to me.

Yesterday I had the time of my life at that wedding. I watched my friend Ben and my friend Erica get married and it made me so incredibly happy. I was honored to be a groomsman because he had only chosen two friends as groomsmen and the rest were family. He has been the best friend to me since my accident. Erica was the one who organized the incredibly successful fundraiser that they had for me at Ohio State right after my accident. I love these two people to death and I cannot wait until they get back from their honeymoon so that I can hang out with them once again.

The bridal party went out of their way to accommodate me during the wedding. They made sure that the castle that we had the rehearsal dinner at was accessible. They even got a party bus for after the wedding for the bridal party that had tiedowns so that I could sit in there safely. I had to be carried on and off of the bus but they did that without complaining. But they did get a bus that was twice as large as what they should’ve got, because I was in a wheelchair, for the same price.

Yesterday was a day that made me really appreciate that I am still alive. It made me want to have a little kid like Lincoln one day. It made me want to get married and find the love of my life. I’m so incredibly happy for Ben and Erica. It is rare to see true love but they have definitely found it. Life just keeps getting better for me. Seeing my friends happy makes me incredibly happy.

I’ve learned that we can’t be afraid that other people are watching and we just need to let loose and have fun. I’m having more fun than I have ever had in my life and I am in a wheelchair. I think it is because I finally slowed down and learned to appreciate things. Try to slow things down and take in what is good in your life. It is working for me and I believe that is the only way that you should live.

A Tribute to the World’s Greatest Mother

This is the letter I wrote to my Mom for Mother’s Day today. I would not be where I am at without her.

To the most beautiful mother in the world,

After last year’s letter you would think there would not be much more for me to say about you. But I could write a book on just how much you mean to me. You are my biggest fan. My biggest supporter. The one that has always believed that I will succeed more than anyone else. I can’t go a day without hearing your voice. I don’t call you to make you happy I call you because your voice makes me happy.

When I think about my condition I always know that things could be worse. That one thing is that I could have a life without you. Now that is something that would be too big for me to handle. I can’t imagine life without you. You are the best mother that I could ask for. Everyone that I know that meets you says that I am lucky to have such an incredible loving mother. A lot of people get annoyed by being around their parents all the time. But I cherish every second that I’m with you. I wish that I could see you every day. A hug from Brooke or Kate before I go to bed is nice but I wish it was you that was there.

You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. You’re so incredibly strong. I cannot believe that not once when we were in Indianapolis did you break down and cry in front of me. Your strength is what helped me get through my situation. You believed that I would live a better life and that is what kept me going. Now today I am happier than ever before. You knew there would be purpose in my life and I have found it because of you.

I cried to you every day for a year and not once did you get upset with me. You have been so incredibly patient and understanding. It was Susan who told me that God never puts us in a situation that is too big for us to handle. He chose me because he knew I could handle it because he knew that I had the support of the most loving mother in the world. I wanted so badly to ask everyone to give you a standing ovation at my Ted talk. But there simply was not enough time. By helping me you have helped me to help others realize what is truly important in life. Without the support of you and the rest of our family I would be nowhere near where I am right now.

I have met so many people that are embarrassed by their family. But I love to show you off. You are the one thing in my life that I value more than anything. I feel that this is going to be a huge year for me and I could not do it without you by my side. Everything that I have worked for has come down to this year. You knew that I would make it and your optimism has me dreaming of an incredibly bright future.

I wake up every morning and look in the mirror and smile. I now see the person that I was before the accident but even better. I’m sorry that I used to lie to you about the things that I would do on a daily basis. But I’ve now promised myself that I will be truthful to you for the rest of my life. Coming clean to you before the psych ward saved my life. I do not think that I would be alive today without you. You have always believed in me and you have helped me get through the most difficult situations in my life. I will always go to you first when I am in time of need. I know that you will always be there to help.

So on Mother’s Day take time to reflect on how much you mean to me and everyone else that you have raised. I have the most incredible loving family and I think that is because I have the most incredible loving mother. You are beautiful in every way and I love you more than anyone. This is your day. You were born to be a mother. You have raised me to be incredibly proud of who I am. Thank you for believing in me and being there for me every step of the way. I look forward to every day that I get to have you in my life. I love you so incredibly much!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Adam

Mind vs Body

My mind. Had it, lost it, got it back, lost it again, and finally it’s back again. What’s it like to lose your mind? Honestly I was happy, euphoric, and higher than any drug could ever get you. The only thing that frustrated me was that no one believed that I was Jesus Christ. But I felt like I knew everything. I could turn anything into a sign from the lyrics of a song to the title of a book. I felt like God was directing me through these signs and I thought that by following the signs I would be the leader of the new world. It was up to me to bring world peace. To do that I was just to show everyone how to party and how to live life. But I couldn’t perform miracles. I cannot even heal myself. So eventually through medication and by learning that I could not do the things that I thought I was set out to do the signs went away.

I truly enjoyed thinking that I was Jesus but I was driving my family to tears. Not only did they think that I lost my body but they also thought that I lost my mind forever. I need my medications to keep myself sane. So if you’re reading this and you have bipolar disorder and you’re thinking about going off your medication just look at the consequences of my decisions. It only took five days without medications for me to lose my mind once again. Don’t be embarrassed that you have to swallow a bunch of pills every day to keep yourself sane. Monitor your thoughts and if you feel like you’re going into a manic episode tell someone.

The mind is incredibly fragile and incredibly powerful. So protect it and stay on your medications and stay away from self-medicating. I’ll be honest and come right out and say that marijuana was one of my favorite things to do. But if you have a mental health issue it can lead to psychosis. I was lucky to make it through two psychotic breaks but one psychotic break is enough to make you lose your mind forever.

Lost my body. Did over 1000 hours of physical therapy and never got it back. Now losing your body is much scarier than losing your mind. Facing the fact that you have lost your independence for the rest of your life and you no longer can do all of the physical things that you once loved so much.

The passions before my accident were mostly physical. Waterskiing was obviously my greatest passion. I would’ve thought that if you took that away from me I would be left with nothing. But that’s where my mind stepped in. You must realize that your mind is much more powerful than your body. Your mind controls your body. So all that time that I spent staring at my waterski or my boat in the garage crying was all because I had let my mind go. I had to learn how to say goodbye and focus my mind on other things that I could still do. I had to find new passions that would take my mind off of waterskiing. I realized that I accomplished more in the sport than I could ever dream. The last time I ever skied was when we won nationals and that was the perfect ending to that chapter in my life.

So today I have accepted that I will no longer do it again and I’ve moved on. I will try disabled waterskiing but I know that it will not be the same. I can honestly say today that I do not even think about it. When I do think about it I am just proud of all that I accomplished. I said goodbye to all of the physical things that I once loved and I moved on.

I’m sure some of you doubt that when I say that I am happier than ever that it is really true. But I can say with all honesty that I am. I’m so excited about my future and I know that I will succeed. The worst is behind me and everyday life gets better and better. I sometimes look back at the picture of me in the ICU and realize how far I have come. I have truly been through hell and back. Through all of this I have become much closer to my family and I have realized who my true friends are. I only surround myself with good people and those that believe in me. I have met so many amazing people since my accident that are supportive of what I am trying to accomplish. So many people believe in me which helps me to believe in myself.

When I look in the mirror today I see the person from before the accident but better. A changed person who now understands what is truly important in life and has a real plan for his future. I believe that I can be loved and that I will be in a relationship and get married one day. I can still have kids and I feel that I will do a great job raising them. My confidence is at an all-time high and I cannot wipe the smile off my face.

I want to let you know that I’ve read the hundreds of comments that you have left me after reading my blog. I truly appreciate them and they keep me writing. The support that I have had on Facebook has been incredible since day one. I’m sure that a lot of you thought that in the beginning my life was ruined. You probably questioned God for what happened to me. But today I thank him for giving me a life with more opportunity than I could ever imagine.

Everything happens for a reason and I have found why everything happened to me. I cannot imagine life any differently now. If you’re reading this and you’re at rock bottom right now remember that things can only get better. Take back control of your mind because once you lose it you have lost everything. I believe in the power of positive thinking. The more you believe in something the closer you will become to achieving it. So focus on your dreams or create a new one
and actively pursue them each day.

Don’t be afraid to find me on Facebook and add me as a friend. I respond to everyone and I will try to make sense of your situation if you are struggling with something.

They say that a spinal cord injury is the most traumatic thing someone can go through in life. Well I’ve been through that and I fight against it every day and I’m winning. I also know what it’s like to lose your mind and to be able to get it back. I know what it’s like to be addicted to drugs. In my life I’ve had so many eye-opening experiences. So if you need help with anything please contact me and ask. I promise that I will get back to you!

Dream Like a Child

I remember back to when I was a kid. I was the shyest kid in the class. Possibly the shyest kid in the entire school. I was afraid of getting in trouble. I was afraid of breaking the rules. I vividly remember in the first grade my teacher had a card system where your card would be flipped to a different color if you did something bad. It was close to the end of the school year and I was the only kid in the class whose card had never been changed. A girl asked me if she could borrow my pencil during the morning announcements and I said, “sure.”The teacher heard it and that one word was enough to get my card changed from green to yellow.

I later pleaded to the teacher and explained the situation and begged for her to change it back. I was devastated that my card would stay yellow for the rest of the day and I cried to my teacher. At the end of the year they had an awards ceremony and the top boy and girl in the class were chosen to receive the Stoliion award. I was so happy to hear my name called off. My twin brother Aaron was also chosen and a girl in my class named Valerie.

Valerie was the only friend that I had made all year. On recess there was a set of two swings that we would go to every day. These were our swings and we even carved our initials above each swing claiming them as our own. Valerie also waterskied which brought our families together and soon enough we were camping together every weekend during the summer. Valerie was the only friend that I needed and I opened up to her and we spent every second together.

In the second grade my older brother Mike suggested that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. He explained the idea to me and it made perfect sense so soon enough we made it official. She was my first kiss and my first love. I’m sure that most of you are thinking that a kid could not understand love in second grade but I felt like I had found it.

The only other friends that I made during elementary school were the ones that I met because of my twin brother Aaron. Aaron was much more outgoing than I was when we were in school as children. So he would invite them over and I would make them my friends as well. These friends are still the best friends that I have today. Outside of school I was much different than I was in the classroom. I was outgoing and I was crazy. I was the one that would organize the mush ball games in our front yard. I called everyone and planned our bike rides to McDonald’s. I was a leader at a long young age and I brought everyone together. But I was afraid of authority and I was afraid of getting in trouble.

In the fourth grade I remember a man coming in and giving a presentation about something called entrepreneurship. I realized that my dad was an entrepreneur and my uncle and that one day I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I knew at such a young age that I wanted to work for myself. That mentality still sticks with me to this day and I’m happy to say that I’m finally doing it. I’m doing what I dreamed of as a child.

Valerie was my best friend up until the sixth grade when she broke up with me. But today once again she is my best friend. I was heartbroken and I remember it was right before spring break and when all of the kids were excited to go on vacation I was left there ready to cry. I fell into a deep depression for months. I remember having to get my blood taken to figure out if there was something wrong with me. I could not function. I lost my best friend in the world and I was devastated. Looking back on it this was my first sign of bipolar disorder as I was experiencing my first manic episode but it was a manic low rather than that manic high.

At the end of the sixth-grade we took a trip to a camp where we would stay the night for a couple of days. I came into the camp depressed feeling like I had no friends so I realized that I had to make a change. I had to start talking and I had to be the person that I was outside of school inside of school. So we laid in our bunkbeds that first night and everyone was having a conversation but me. That was when I opened my mouth for the first time. Soon enough I had the entire cabin laughing hysterically. They could not believe that the kid that would never say a word had them all almost laughing to tears. That night I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face and I was ready to change so that I would not be alone.

We went into the seventh grade and I was a completely different person. I started to talk to everyone. Not just the popular kids but everyone. I did things that took me outside of my comfort zone. At the end of the seventh grade I decided to run for student council president. I made a hilarious video with stuffed animals tied to strings and that video help me to win the election. Ineighth-grade I would now be the student holding the most power out of anyone. In one year I went from being someone that nobody knew or heard to the kid that the next year you have to hear every day on the morning announcements.

I pushed myself to do more and more. In high school. I was elected to student government freshman, sophomore, and junior year. In my junior year I was chosen as one of two students to represent the entire school as part of a program called Junior Leadership Akron. In my senior year I took a tour of the Ohio State University and fell in love. I felt that if I could thrive at a large high school then I could do the same at one of the largest universities in the country. But I was sold when I saw they had a water ski team.

My dad said that if I went away to school I would have to pay my way through college. So I applied for several scholarships and one day I got a letter in the mail that would forever change my life. I opened the letter and read that I had received a full scholarship to the Ohio State University. I jumped up and down and screamed with excitement. My dad was the first one I called and he could not believe it. I called my entire family and I was prouder than I had been in my entire life.

So soon enough I was on my way to Columbus. I was chosen to be a member of the Mount Leadership Society Scholars Program where I would do community service and learn about leadership skills. I was meeting incredible people and making some of the best friends I had met in my entire life. No longer was I that shy kid back in elementary school. I was making hundreds of new friends and soon enough I felt like there were familiar faces all over campus. I got very involved and joined the water ski team. I ran for captain knowing that I would lose but it was a great way to introduce myself to the team. Later that year I was elected to be treasurer of the team. The following year my dreams came true when I was elected captain and then I was even elected for a second term. I had my hands in a little bit of everything at Ohio State.

I decided to join a fraternity which proved to be the worst decision that I would ever make in college. I went through hell week and endured all of the horrible hazing and became an active member of the fraternity. At the end of hell week all I wanted to do was get out of the house. But instead I would be living upstairs. That was when I experienced my second manic episode. I was so horribly depressed that I could not function.

I decided to move out after that quarter and I somehow was able to manage to find a brand-new luxury townhouse that would usually cost $2100 per month for $500 per month. I had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a three car garage all to myself. I started to party like crazy and it got out of control. I threw seven beer pong tournaments which most of them had 64 teams where each person paid five dollars just to enter. I started to smoke marijuana on a daily basis. I felt like I was on top of the world. Instead of going to class I would take out the boat all day long.

At the end of my junior year I applied to this Sphinx Senior Class Honorary and I was chosen to be one of 24 members. This was the highest honor that you could achieve at Ohio State. I remember thinking back to growing up where I was too shy to even make a friend. I was now being recognized as one of just 24 students out of about 10,000 seniors to be a part of this organization. I had finally made a name for myself.

That summer I won the state championship for slalom skiing which was always one of my dreams. My father had done it before and I was now following in his footsteps. But the euphoria that came along with this sent me into my first manic high. I will not go into the details but that is what led me to end up in the psych ward.

So after years of feeling like I was on top of the world I hit rock bottom. I had to fight so incredibly hard to get my mind back. But eventually I got back on track. But I continued to smoke marijuana on a daily basis and eventually that led to my next manic episode which led to my crash.

Looking back on all that I had accomplished growing up I now realized that I set myself up to be ready for such a horrific situation. I was a fighter. I fought so hard to be able to walk again but it never happened. It was so hard to fight for something and not see any progress and my entire life I would fight for something and I would achieve it. I could always fight to get another buoy on the slalom course. I could fight for a better grade in a class. I would always fight and see progress but now I was fighting a battle that I would not win. For once I felt defeated and it was a feeling that I did not know.

During that first year after my accident I felt like I had nothing left worth fighting for. But eventually I looked back at my life and realized all that I accomplished. I had to convince myself that I still was that same person. Eventually I came back with a vengeance and I had to prove to myself that I could still live at that high-level. So when I returned to Ohio State I had a new stage to fight on. I had unfinished business there and I set out to finish it. I would not let my disability get in the way.

When I look in the mirror today I see that person that I saw before the accident. I don’t even see the wheelchair anymore. All I see is a smile that is real. A smile of someone who took control of his life again.

I set out to pursue the dreams that I had as a child. I’m now working with a business strategist to write a business plan so that the government can fund my own business. I have a Kickstarter campaign starting up soon where I will raise money to cover the costs of publishing my book. We will host a big kickoff event in June which I will let you know the details of soon.

The dreams that I had as a child are finally coming true. I feel that it is important to look back on our childhood dreams and make sure that we are on track today. I remember thinking back when I was a child and not being able to see my life past the age of 26. The idea of being paralyzed never crossed my mind. I never thought that my disability would help me realize that I needed to follow my childhood dream.

So today I challenge you to look back to what it was you wanted as a child and look at your life and see if you really are pursuing that dream. Because I feel that as children we understand what will truly make us happy. As adults we lose track of what will make us happy to go after other things such as money and power. Try to be able to be honest with yourself that your childhood version of you could look at your life and say that’s what I wanted to become.

To the Recently Injured and to Those Who Have Lost All Hope

Life is not over. I once was in your position and I believed that all of my hopes and dreams were crushed. That everything I worked for no longer mattered. All I could focus on was the past. I so desperately wanted the life that I used to have. How can I be happy without my body? I was very active and I would have to say goodbye to all of the physical things in my life. But I could not give up right away. I was not ready to accept my situation. All I could focus on was walking again.

One day in the hospital I looked down and I was able to move my toes. I thought it was a sign that everything would come back. I prayed to God every day that I would walk again. But I began to grow bitter and angry as those prayers were not answered. My dad had suffered a spinal cord injury and he made a full recovery and I thought that I would recover just as he did. But when I got out of the hospital after 3 1/2 months I started to do some research. I desperately searched for the stories of people that recovered completely after their spinal cord injury. Those stories were almost impossible to find and during my research I can across a statistic that made me lose all hope. I found out that of all people with spinal cord injuries only 0.9% of those people make a full recovery. The odds were against me but I had to keep trying.

Everyone told me that I would walk again. Everyone was praying for me and pulling for me and they could not see me in this situation for the rest of my life. So I did countless hours of physical therapy. But nothing returned and I felt like they were only trying to get me used to life in a wheelchair. I eventually got accepted into a program at The Ohio State University Medical Center called locomotor training. In this program you are suspended above a treadmill and they move your legs in a walking motion which is supposed to retrain your spinal cord how to walk. I did over 500 hours in this program which is the best therapy that you can get. But in the end I still was not walking. But at one point I realized that my legs were not going to come back and that was when I decided to accept my situation. I decided to be happy no matter what the outcome and to focus on what I could do and not what I can’t do.

Acceptance was the biggest key to my happiness. I started to pray to God not to walk but to just be happy. Those prayers were answered.

If you focus too much on the past then you never will accept your situation. I realized that I was left with the most powerful part of the human body. Your mind is much more powerful than your body. You can overcome anything with your mind. Keep a positive attitude and realize that God left you on this earth for a reason and he has a plan for you. I am just lucky that I found out his plan for me so soon.

I only have the use of my right hand so I purchased a copy of Dragon and started to write about my experiences. I made people realize that they should not take the little things in life for granted and that life can change in an instant. There was no better feeling than when people reached out to me and told me that I changed their life in a positive way. I have a crazy story to tell so I started to write a book that I recently finished and I’m working on getting published. Writing is my escape and it fills the holes of all of the physical things that I can no longer do.

I also started public speaking a little over a year ago. I recently did a Ted talk at The Ohio State University where I spoke in front of 750 people. I got a bigger rush and more satisfaction out of this than anything in my life that I had done physical. Before my accident I was a national champion waterskier. It was incredibly hard to say goodbye to the sport but let me tell you that passions can be replaced no matter what your limitations.

The first year is by far the hardest. I was living at home and I felt like a burden to my family. But less than a year after my accident I returned to Columbus to live at a place called Creative Living. It was here that I could live independently because I had the help of a resident assistant at the push of a button at any time of the day. I also have three incredible girls that take care of me. I also have an incredible nurse who comes in every other day. All of this is paid for by the Medicaid waiver program.

Once you are disabled you will receive a lot of help from the federal government. So take advantage of everything that you can. There is an incredible program called the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation that helps you to get back to work and do many other things for you. They will pay for your college tuition. They will pay to have a van modified for you so that you can drive. I was able to go back to Ohio State and finish the five classes that I had left and graduate in civil engineering.

BVR is now helping me to shape my career. They set me up with an incredible agency and they are 100% behind what I am trying to accomplish. I want to be a professional public speaker, an author, and I want to do grant writing to build more places for people with physical disabilities. They are actually supporting me by paying to start my own business. I have an incredible girl who comes over once a week to help me stay on course. She currently is helping me to find an agent to get my book published.

I recently found something that was as big of a rush as waterskiing. I was invited to go to a racetrack by someone who also had a spinal court injury. He has use of both of his hands so he is able to drive a car with hand controls. I rode along with him and we went flying around a track at over 100 mph and it was exhilarating. It was the most fun I’ve had since the two years since my accident. It made me feel alive. I am in the process of learning to drive so hopefully I can drive on that track one day. You would think that I would not enjoy this because I crashed my car going 120 mph but I fell in love with it. I was invited this weekend to ride along in a pace car on the track once again. Having a disability will open up so many doors for you. You’ll get invited to so many more events and people are much more welcoming.

If you were recently injured I’m sure that you feel incredibly lost right now. But just know that you are not alone. There are so many people that have found more happiness after their accident than life before. Because now you will have a greater appreciation of life and you will realize not to take the little things for granted. Your family will become stronger and you will realize how much you are loved. You will find out who your true friends are. You will think differently and you have the ability to change the lives of others. If you can have a smile on your face then other people will wonder why they can’t get through the little situations in life.

The challenges ahead of you are huge. Having a spinal cord injury is one of the most traumatic things that can possibly happen to you. You will think that life is over and you will want to give up. But I promise you that things will get better and you will get used to this new way of life. Try writing about your experiences and sharing them with the world or just keep them to yourself. It is a great way to clear your head.

You may be stuck in the hospital right now and it may feel as if you never are going to go home. The hospital will become your comfort zone as you are surrounded by other people with spinal cord injuries. But let me tell you that when you go home it is going to be a huge adjustment. You will be surrounded by people that are able-bodied and it will remind you of the things that you can no longer do. But please do not focus on those things. Focus on what you can do and create a new dream for your life. Pray for happiness in this new life and do not pray for the life that you had before. Chances are that you are not going to get it back but it is possible. So don’t give up hope quite yet. But I’m here to tell you that there still is life in a chair. You will realize what is truly important in life. I had yet to find happiness before my accident like I found it today. Take joy in the little things in life.

Do not isolate yourself and express your feelings as much as possible. I cried so much during that first year but I have not cried since. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and remember that you still are the person that you were before your accident. Smile at yourself and believe that you will be happy once again. Keep your mind at ease and try to stay away from the thoughts like, “will I ever walk again?” God has a plan for you and just be happy that you are alive.

So don’t be scared. Don’t be afraid. If you search for it eventually you will figure out why this all happened to you. You will get used to this new way of life. Everything just takes a little more time and you will become one of the most patient people in the world. I thought my life was over and I contemplated suicide. But today I am happier than ever before and I feel that now that I am in a wheelchair I will be more successful than I would have been before my accident. So keep a smile on your face, keep your head up, talk to others and do not isolate yourself, and keep on pushing. God never puts us in a situation that is too big to handle. He knew that you were capable of handling this and most people could not. So you are one of the chosen ones so use your disability as an advantage and go out there and help others. You’re still very capable of doing great things! That I promise you!

Best of luck,

Adam Helbling

Changing Directions

I’ve been through hell. But my faith is stronger than ever. I’ve had everything I loved to do taken away from me. But I’m still here with a smile on my face. I’ve had to overcome both physical and mental obstacles that set up a roadblock that I thought I would never pass. But I got by. In two years I’ve gone from the darkest place I’ve ever been to in my life to the point where I’ve never been more driven and more focused in my entire life. I’ve taken what most people would think would be a bitter end to a new beginning.

No longer do I dwell on the physical things that I can no longer do. Watching some of the littlest things used to drive me crazy. I used to just watch people walk down my street and stare at their feet and dream of walking again. But since then I’ve grown content. Now when I see people I see them as people that can learn from my mistakes and my story. I now have so much to give. A lesson much greater than teaching someone how to be a better waterskier. As for that sport it barely ever crosses my mind anymore. My last time ever skiing was when we won nationals and I think that was a great ending to that chapter of my life.

Just recently I was interviewed by a local newspaper and an article was published in Stow and in Hudson where I quoted that, “any tragedy can be overcome.” I truly believe that and I believe that my tragedy has helped me grow stronger. But no longer when I look back on it do I see a tragedy but I see it as a point where I was woken up. This experience has opened my eyes to what is truly important in life. Family always comes first and my family has grown closer after all that I have been through. Overcoming death was a lesson to all of us of how precious and fragile life can be. I make it a point every day to talk to my family on the phone. My dad now understands the importance of saying I love you because you never know if it will be your last opportunity.

So take away everything that is physical and I will still move forward. I have my mind which is the most powerful part of the human body. I finally understand how fragile my mind is. I monitor my thoughts and stay on a heavy dose of medication to ensure that I do not lose it again. If you have a mental health issue I cannot stress the importance enough of staying on your medications. Just look at the consequences of my decision to go off of my medications. One of my bipolar medications was recently lowered by just a half of pill. I started to think that people were out to get me and when I went past people I thought they were going to say something nasty to me. So I told my psychiatrist and he raised my dose by just a half a pill and those thoughts went away.

I heard in a speech that bipolar disorder is known as the CEO disease. Some of the most successful companies have been run and have been started by people with bipolar disorder. It makes sense to me because I have always been the type of person who has wanted to work and build something for myself. If I never would have got in my accident I would be working a civil engineering job working toward someone else’s dream and I feel that I would be miserable. But my disability has opened up many doors for me. The government is paying for me to work with an agency that is helping me start my own business. I have someone working with me on a weekly basis who is helping me to get my book published and to work on finding more speaking opportunities. They are helping me make my dreams a reality.

Still life now is so different than it used to be but I can’t complain. It’s honestly pretty easy. There are some great perks to having a disability. Although I can no longer do things like get in and out of bed by myself or just jump on a couch whenever I want I’m used to it. No longer do I have to do my own laundry, cook, clean, or do other chores. The government actually pays people to do that for me. I like having someone wake me up every morning and I like being tucked in at night like I’m a little kid. I like the fact that my shoes never get dirty and it’s like I put a brand-new pair of shoes on every day. Everyone remembers the guy in the wheelchair and although I used to not like to stand out in my bright green wheelchair I love the attention that I get today. Employees at restaurants and convenient stores always remember me and welcome me back and start up a conversation with me. People are constantly smiling at me and saying hello as I ride past. I’m thankful that I’m not working a 9-to-5 job and that I’m now able to pursue my true passions. So being in my situation does have its perks.

This is truly a life worth living. Don’t tell me that you feel sorry for me for everything that has happened. Because now I am awake. I stay away from drugs and alcohol and think clearer than ever before. People like the new me much more than they did before my accident. I was reckless and sometimes selfish and rude. I am much happier with the person that I have become. Life can change directions even when you do not plan it. This is a direction that I am happy to continue to follow.

Dear God

Dear God,

Are you proud of me? Was I worth saving? Have I proven to you why I was worth saving? Was this the path you chose for me? Because it just seems so clear to me. Thank you for paving it for me. I’ve never been so focused or have seem so clear in my entire life. This life is just so easy now. But getting to this point was another story. But all of the pain, the tears, the anger, and the feelings of hopelessness were worth it to get here.

Were you with me the night of my accident? I thought so. I could feel you there. I felt that firm grip on the wheel and I knew that everything would be okay.

I’m sorry that I blamed you for so many things during that first year. I did not think you were there with me. But looking back on it I now know that you were there every day watching over me. You gave me my family and my friends to fall back on. You gave me my mom’s shoulder to cry on. You gave me my dad who made sure I had a home to come back to. You made my brother a nurse so that he could take care of me. You gave me everything I needed and I’m sorry that I blamed you for not being there.

I remember being in that Kohl’s bathroom crying and praying to you for a sign that everything was going to be okay. You gave it to me when that song came on the radio. I realized that I was praying for the wrong thing. I realized that I should be praying for happiness rather than to walk again. I finally felt like you were there with me again.

You helped me find my path through writing. You led me to stumble upon the therapy program that was offered in Columbus. You helped me find the perfect place to live. You found me the perfect person to take care of me who brought a smile to my face every day. I prayed for happiness and you brought it to me.

You made the impossible possible when I graduated from college. I asked for direction and on the day I graduated I already knew what I had planned for my life.

Originally I thought you were against me and now I know that you are with me every second of every day. I now pray to you every night because I know you’re with me and I know you are listening. I thank you for each thing that happened that day. I ask you to help me to continue to spread my message. I ask you to help my friend make a complete recovery from cancer and sure enough he has given me good news.

I sincerely thank you for everything you have done for me. I thought that life was too hard to handle but today things are easy. I have more than enough help and support. Thank you for giving me the chance to prove that my life was worth saving. I know that you had the final say in keeping me alive. I look forward to your plans for me for the future. Thank you for the bottom of my heart!

Adam